Archive for July 2010
On the PA system: ‘Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down.’
Husband Down
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the wife. ‘They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies.
‘Put them back, we can’t afford them demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the husband. ‘It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,’ replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: ‘So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.’
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A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her. ‘Father, may I ask a favor?’
Of course, child. What may I do for you?’
‘Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?’
‘I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.’
‘With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.’
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, ‘Father, do you have anything to declare?’
‘From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.’
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, ‘And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?’
‘I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.’
Roaring with laughter, the official said, ‘Go ahead, Father. Next !’
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More and more cities are banning the use of cellular telephones while driving. Here’s why it’s a good idea.
In canada, many provinces have banned cell phones while driving:
Banned in Newfoundland (December 2002) fines up to C$180
Banned in Québec (Apr 2008) fines up to C$100
Banned in Manitoba (July 2010) fines up to C$191
Here’s the content of an email that has circulated in July of 2010, with the subject ‘This Guy was Texting His Girlfriend (No Joke)’. The story is that this male was sending a text message while driving, crossed the center yellow line, and hit a semi-truck head on. Whether the driver was actually using his cell phone when he crashed or not, it’s plausible!
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