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An Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “What is this Father?” The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son…

“Go get your mother…”

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A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, ‘I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.’ So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm  voice said, ‘Come on in.’ When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked, ‘Are you the people that broke my window?’ ‘Uh, yeah!, sir. We’re sure sorry about that,’ the husband replied.

‘Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I’m a genie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.

Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, but if you don’t mind, I’ll keep the last one for my self.’

Wow, that’s great!’the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, ‘I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.’

‘No problem,’ said the genie ‘You’ve got it, it’s the least I can do. And I’ll guarantee you a long, healthy life!’

‘And now you, young lady, what do you want?’ the genie asked.

‘I’d like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,’ she said.

‘Consider it done,’ the genie said. ‘And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!’

‘And now,’the couple asked in unison, ‘what’s your wish, genie?

‘Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle, and haven’t been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.’The husband looked at his wife and said, ‘Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?’

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, ‘You know, you’re right.

Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn’t mind, but what about you, honey?’

You know I love you sweetheart,’ said the husband. I’d do the same for you!’

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?’

‘Why, we’re both 35,’ she responded breathlessly.

‘No Kidding,’ he said. ‘Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?’

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